Monday, September 6, 2010

It's been almost two weeks. And I don't give a shit.

People, when did you have any idea whatsoever what you wanted to do with your life?  I feel this lack of a goal, lack of a passion, is the most debilitating thing I'm currently dealing with.  Because I am good at planning.  I probably do it too much.  If I had even an iota of an idea what I wanted to do, I could work towards it.  I'd find a way.  But I'm left in this void, where no action seems effective because I don't know what the hell I'm trying to do.

This isn't Half-Life.  I can't just go in the one direction available to me and eventually I'll run into something that looks like plot.  This is Grand Theft Auto without quests.  All there is to do is drive around aimlessly, maybe randomly doing something on a whim.  But nothing lasts, nothing stays.  Where is purpose found?  Are there pills for that?

I think what's going to end up happening is I'm going to end up shackling myself to some charismatic person with a purpose and a goal and the need for people to help.  And there I'll be.  And that sounds like a cult, which bothers me, probably more for the accuracy I see in it.

1 comment:

  1. I'm *still* not sure what I'm going to do with my life. My current career choice (environmental nonprofit/activism work) was borne out of my seeing a need for people to do that kind of work. We'll see if I stick with it. x_x If not, I might just end up being a highly literate cashier for the rest of my life.